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She knows I’m watching and that turns her on, too.” Occasionally, they engage in a full swap, which means Alex will have sex with the other man’s wife; or a soft swap, which means no penetration — he can receive oral sex from a woman with Susan’s blessing. “We’re not falling in love with them.” Whatever your sexual appetite — say, you both want to be with a woman, or you both want to be with a man, or she wants to be with several men at once, or she likes husky men and you crave female leprechauns with foot fetishes — well, you can find it out there.

There are large swingers clubs — Saints and Sinners, Pure Bliss and South Jersey Sex Friends, for instance — and smaller groups that cater to nudists or 50-somethings or interracial couples or the handicapped or fetishes.

When you ask swingers — or sociologists — why they do it, there are as many answers as there are sexual positions.

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While non-swingers might view swinging as a depraved behavior that threatens marriage and the family unit, research indicates that swingers, by and large, believe they have strong, loving and committed relationships. “At best, it’s an abbreviated lifestyle — because we got bored, because of the problems couples encounter with jealousy and trust issues.

But Marty Tashman, a marriage counselor for 34 years in Middlesex and Somerset counties, isn’t buying it. Sexual adventure might be exciting for a while, but it gets old. In the best cases, couples say, ‘We did it, we tried it, but we’re done with it.’ ” But why do they do it? Are they momentarily rebelling from a life of always doing the right thing?

Do they crave the confidence boost that comes from being attractive to someone other than their spouse or partner?

The answer to each of those questions is “yes,” “no,” or “it depends on the couple.” There is no one reason for swinging.

“Some are in it for the sexual gratification, some are in it to build relationships, some to spice up their marriages.

And singles certainly have different motives than couples.

Oh, and he also had to be willing to pay for the hotel room. About a dozen men (all sizes, all races, all ages and physiques — from beer guts to washboard abs) respond to the post.

The couple then traded e-mails with three studly types, ultimately deciding the unmarried 33-year-old landscaper, now the skinny guy sitting at the bar, would be the best fit.

He was chosen because Susan found him attractive and his profile included testimonials from previous SLS women. And just as importantly, judging by the photos, when this guy pulls down his boxers, he could make Secretariat blush.

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